Sex.Love.Power.: The intimacy podcast for powerful women & those who love them

How does your partner know when you disapprove?

October 15, 2020 Michele Lisenbury Christensen Season 1 Episode 9
Sex.Love.Power.: The intimacy podcast for powerful women & those who love them
How does your partner know when you disapprove?
Chapters
Sex.Love.Power.: The intimacy podcast for powerful women & those who love them
How does your partner know when you disapprove?
Oct 15, 2020 Season 1 Episode 9
Michele Lisenbury Christensen


My latest podcast episode names something many of us do rather unconsciously: we threaten and dole out disapproval.  Disapproval and withholding our approval till someone has complied with our demands are behaviors so baked into our families and cultures that it's downright shocking to see their pervasiveness, when it’s pointed out.  It sounds violent to be so disapproving, and it seems to run counter to our values... And it is and it does!  Yet you may still be doing it a lot.   I know I have done it a lot.  

So we need to talk about disapproval and what it does to relationships:  with our partners, with our kids, with ourselves, and with those who live in different spots on the political spectrum than we do.  

 

As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:

  • The “secret” of creating more of what we desire in love and sex
  • How to unlock tremendous capacities for effecting change
  • Why using disapproval to motivate your partner or kids just won’t work 
  • The 6 most important things to edit out of your communication 
  • How adding one “secret society’ tip sets you up for a win
  • And more.  Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Secret Society on Mighty Networks.


“Disapproval - or the threat of disapproval - never motivates anyone to do anything. “ - Michele Lisenbury Christensen 

 

HOT MOMENTS IN THIS EPISODE:

There IS hope if you’ve tried to ask for what you want without success or you feel your spouse is super critical.  01:15

Why if we want to be able to get more of what we desire in love and sex we need to talk about disapproval. 01:28

How disapproval makes us feel less safe.   03:39

What we need to do to unlock tremendous capacities for effecting change.   04:13

The special magic we can find within us when we want someone to see us.  05:26

How to express a big intense feeling to make a clear way to counter-offer 07:40

The bottom line of healthful negotiation  08:26


…Tune in to Episode 010 to hear my hot takes on listener questions in our first Ask Michele episode of the season.  Ask your questions for this or a future Ask Michele episode by calling 206-659-9865.

Show Notes


My latest podcast episode names something many of us do rather unconsciously: we threaten and dole out disapproval.  Disapproval and withholding our approval till someone has complied with our demands are behaviors so baked into our families and cultures that it's downright shocking to see their pervasiveness, when it’s pointed out.  It sounds violent to be so disapproving, and it seems to run counter to our values... And it is and it does!  Yet you may still be doing it a lot.   I know I have done it a lot.  

So we need to talk about disapproval and what it does to relationships:  with our partners, with our kids, with ourselves, and with those who live in different spots on the political spectrum than we do.  

 

As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:

  • The “secret” of creating more of what we desire in love and sex
  • How to unlock tremendous capacities for effecting change
  • Why using disapproval to motivate your partner or kids just won’t work 
  • The 6 most important things to edit out of your communication 
  • How adding one “secret society’ tip sets you up for a win
  • And more.  Join the conversation by listening, then share your story or response on our voicemail at 206-659-9865 or inside our free Secret Society on Mighty Networks.


“Disapproval - or the threat of disapproval - never motivates anyone to do anything. “ - Michele Lisenbury Christensen 

 

HOT MOMENTS IN THIS EPISODE:

There IS hope if you’ve tried to ask for what you want without success or you feel your spouse is super critical.  01:15

Why if we want to be able to get more of what we desire in love and sex we need to talk about disapproval. 01:28

How disapproval makes us feel less safe.   03:39

What we need to do to unlock tremendous capacities for effecting change.   04:13

The special magic we can find within us when we want someone to see us.  05:26

How to express a big intense feeling to make a clear way to counter-offer 07:40

The bottom line of healthful negotiation  08:26


…Tune in to Episode 010 to hear my hot takes on listener questions in our first Ask Michele episode of the season.  Ask your questions for this or a future Ask Michele episode by calling 206-659-9865.